I'm Taking the Family With Me

Last week, Matt and I took the girls to the skating rink for their first time on skates, ever. We thought it would be best to start them out with some lessons, rather than just putting them on wheels and sending them off. I know that kids don't really need lessons to be able to learn new things, but we thought it might help with the frustration factor.

To be honest, I was really anxious, watching them fall on their butts over and over. No, I wasn't really worried that they'd hurt themselves, my anxiety was more out of hope that it would be something they could enjoy. These girls are really good at forming their own opinions about things and I was kind of worried that one or both of them would decide that they don't like skating. I have to admit that I was invested in them enjoying skating.

After that first 45 minute lesson, they were tired and their feet were hot. We left after that instead of staying for open skate.

The next day, we went back to the rink for a cousin's birthday part. I think the lesson helped after all, because the girls were instantly in skate heaven. We were there for almost three hours and even when we saw that their eyes were at half mast out of exhaustion, we still had to convince them that it was time to go. They're hooked. Their investment is different than mine, but now we're in it together. Not only that, but Matt now wants some skates and is setting a goal to do roller derby boot camp next year. He's intimiadated by our workouts, but has been following along with my home exercises to prepare himself for the ass kicking that he anticipates next year.

Kate's zombie stance (Braaaiiins!)

Molly working her derby stance, while Matt wishes he was on skates

Yes, obsession is contageous, and now I've got my whole family in it.

Meanwhile, I'm struggling with keeping my obsession a positive one. It's hard to keep my skill level separate from my self-confidence level. When I do well on the track, I feel great. When I don't, my confidence plummets. It becomes so much easier to focus on what I can't do than what I can do, and I bring myself down.

Everything about roller derby is so far outside my comfort zone. After a particularly bad string of self-depricating comments, Matt gave me one of his pep talks and reminded me that I've doing something I've never even come close to attempting before. This whole business of losing weight and getting fit...I've done that before. It's wasn't an easy task, but it was a familiar one. I've never been an athlete before. I've never been on a sports team or even wanted to be on a sports team. Someone recently asked me, is roller derby training hard? It's just about the hardest physical thing I've ever put my body through on purpose. Emotionally, it's not the hardests thing I've been through, but it is new and unfamiliar. I want this so badly that sometimes I put myself in a bad mood. That's not good.

Yesterday was one of those days. It's raining buckets and supposed to keep raining. That means no outdoor skating and no regular practice on our outdoor track. Under normal conditions, I would accept that Santa Barbarans have no place to complain about the weather. We have gorgeous weather all year, and when it rains, it's welcome. Except now that I want to skate. It turned my mood yesterday, even though I got to go to the rink and skate with the kids. I skated slowly alongside them, encouraging their zombie stance and used the opportunity to practice my derby stance (squatting position) the whole way around the track. I yearned for some speed, and made a couple of loops around the track on my own, but it wasn't the same as the ass whooping I normally get at practice. I'm an addict and I was without my fix. I ended up missing the alternatively scheduled practice in a conference room doing plyometrics, so I came home and did my own workout, but it just wasn't the same.

I went to bed last night still grumbling. Matt had me look up a list of the skills that I'll need to pass the assessments in a few weeks. It helped because I could see on paper that I am capable of doing most of the skills, even if I can't do the perfectly. There are a few skills that are just beyond my reach, but many of them are things that I can do with some accuracy. I felt better after looking at what I can do rather than what I can't.

I decided before going to sleep that today will be a better day. I will look for a covered parking garage where I can practice cross overs and some of the falls that I haven't done in a while. And if I can't skate today, I'm going to accept that too. I need to keep skating fun, and the kids are an excellent reminder of that.

Whip It!

To start out, I'd like to be honest about something.  Drew Barrymore's movie Whip It did NOT inspire me to try roller derby.  In fact, I didn't watch it until, after attending a bout in October, I scoured the internet for All Things Derby.  Yes, my first exposure to roller derby was the Mission City Brawlin' Betties v. Bakersfield Diamond Divas.  I left that bout thinking, "Those girls are rock stars.  I wish I could do that."

Last night we did whips.  It was just about the most fun I've had at practice so far, and I didn't suck at it horribly.  Whips are basically where you're transferring all of the forward motion of one skater into another skater (the jammer).  We also skated around trying to push each other down.  I loved it!

Reading over my blogs, I seem to be on a confidence roller coaster.  Practice is that way too.  Yesterday I was dreading practice, not because I'm afraid of falling or getting hurt, but because I don't like feeling like I suck.  All day, I thought to myself, "Why am I going to practice knowing that I'll leave feeling crappy about myself?"  Of course, I was wrong.  The feeling crappy about myself bit comes from me, not from practice.  Last night I left feeling pretty incredible.

I think what it comes down to is that I'm good at some things and not so good at others.  Duh, right?  Except that I'm used to being able to be good at whatever I put my mind to.  No, I'm not perfect by any means.  Far from it actually.  Some things just aren't worth putting my mind to and so I continue sucking at them.  But most of the time, when something matters to me a lot, I can at least eek out a reasonable amount of skill.  Skating is different because some of it requires muscles and flexibility I don't have yet, and some of the more agile moves are just beyond me.  I feel like my strength is in my ability to get low, engage my core, and stay stable.  I discovered that yesterday while doing pushes and whips.  No, I'm not a star pupil, but I was in my element.  I can't wait until we actually start blocking.  I think my hips were made for blocking.

We also did speed drills yesterday.  I'm not fast enough to pass assessments yet, but I was somewhere in the middle of the group.  Before I write about the speed drill yesterday, I have to share another story.

On Sunday, I went to a kids birthday party at the skating rink, and spent the whole time practicing.  It's awkward practicing skills that require me to fall in that kind of setting, because hardly anyone else is falling, but I did go down on a knee a few times.  Anyhow, when it comes to the organized races, I got off the track.  I did not need to embarrass myself like that.  Until my family started taunting me.  I saw my brothers in law get out there for the race, and somehow I decided that I needed to at least beat them.  Which I did :)  I finished somewhere in the middle of the group, not the fastest, not the slowest.  I did not do crossovers during the race because I'm not quite confident enough with them yet.  Part of the problem is that crossovers make me go so freakin' fast that I feel like I don't have much control over the turn.  I was proud of myself for getting out there though, and I didn't do a face plant like my brother in law did, hehe.

Anyhow, back to the speed drills.  We did as many laps as we could in 5 minutes.  At the end of the 5 minutes, I should have been spent, but I still had some energy left in me.  It's good to know that I've got endurance (running pays off!), but in order to go faster, I need to feel more comfortable on my feet, err, skates.  I need to feel like I have control over my turns even when I'm going fast.

I'm getting my family addicted to skating, but this blog is long enough already, and I'll save it for another blog.

Also, I should note that I learned how to change my blog settings and now anyone can leave a comment, even if you're not a registered user.  I love comments.  Just sayin'.

Conquering the Dreaded Parking Garage

I consider myself to be a strong, intelligent woman. Parking garages, however, are my kryptonite. While I definitely have a silly "duh" side of me, parking garages bring out an entirely new level of stupidity. I think it's an actual learning disability, so rare that it doesn't have a name.

As soon as I enter a parking garage, I lose all sense of direction. You've probably heard of people trapped in avalanches who become so disoriented that they don't know which way to dig to get out of the snow, and dig themselves deeper. That is me in a parking garage. There are suddenly no landmarks. Everything looks the same. Not only do I lose a sense of what floor I'm on and where the exit is, I actually lose the ability to identify where in the city I am. I could be in ANY parking garage because they all look the same from the inside.

My excuse is that I grew up in a town without parking garages, but I probably use that excuse to cover up my suspicion that my brain just doesn't work in that area. A mouse in a maze could find itself out more quickly than I can find my way out of a parking garage. I have learned some tricks though...keep turning right...go down (Usually. Once I was in an underground parking garage and it was horrible) ...follow the arrows...make each turn with the deliberate confidence of someone who knows where she's going, so as to fool others into believing I know where I'm going. I've been getting better.

Tonight, I had the opportunity to face off with a parking garage and win. I skated all over one.

There's a parking garage in Santa Barbara that for some reason, everyone hates. I haven't lived here long enough to know why, but it's the "new" parking garage that people seem to boycott just because it's stupid. Like I said, I don't know why, but for that reason, I've hardly been in it myself. It has an upstairs and a downstairs, which makes it particularly dangerous to someone like me. It was suggested to me that the roof of a parking garage is a good place to practice skating. I haven't skated nearly as much as I would have liked to this week, so tonight was the night.

I headed downtown after dark, under a nearly full moon. Made my way to the parking garage that everyone hates, and got to the roof. When I got to the top, I was more than pleased. It was smooth. Mostly flat. No gravel. Well lit. And empty (because everyone hates it).

So I went to work, warming up, practicing cross overs, "jumps" (if you consider a jump to be 1/2 inch of air), sticky feet, and even a few butt falls on purpose so I'd get over my fear of falling. By the end, that parking garage and I had a new relationship and I no longer have reason to avoid it.

And that is how I conquered the dreaded parking garage.

Yes, I'm addicted and having skating withdrawals already.

I didn't realize I'd become so addicted so quickly. I'm jonesing for some skating practice but have gotten derailed over the past few days.

On Tuesday, I strained a quad muscle and decided a needed a couple days of rest from my skates. Somehow I thought a couple of days meant that I wouldn't skate all day Wednesday, and then Thursday morning I'd be fine. I packed up all my gear, put my outdoor wheels on, and found a parking lot to practice in.

Ouch...

Within 5 minutes, I realized my muscle was not back to normal yet. I was so ready to practice that I didn't give myself enough time. I decided I needed a little more rest.

Yesterday I had fantasies about going to the skating rink. I heard that some of the girls were heading to Skating Plus to get some extra practice but a couple of things got in my way. Work turned out to last longer than I planned, and I spent the whole day feeling under the weather. By the time I got off work, it was almost 9 PM. I came home and was asleep by 10. Being a grown up sucks (sometimes). I miss the days when I can run myself into the ground and keep going.

Today I missed practice entirely. I was determined to go, but realized that "under the weather" had taken a turn towards feeling kinda flu-ish. Boo!

All my talk about being determined to do this, get better at skating, push myself beyond my limits---it's still there, but I definitely struggle with knowing when to keep pushing myself and when to back off. I don't want to hurt myself by overdoing it (as I learned with running I have a tendency to do), but I also don't want to wuss out when I have it in me.

For now, My skate bag, two sets of wheels, and my tools are waiting in my car for the first opportunity I get to roll around some more. In the meantime, maybe I'll practice changing out my wheels and bearings because it shouldn't take me 30+ minutes each time I want to go from indoor to outdoor wheels and back.

My first (minor) ouch!

Yesterday I hit up the Ventura skating rink for some extra practice. I went by myself which was intimidating, but I did it anyhow. I skated for close to an hour, practicing cross over steps (which I've only observed but hadn't learned yet) and weaving in and out of little kids flying in every direction. As (un)luck should have it, the night I went was also the night that an elementary school was doing some kind of fundraiser there, so it was packed. Oh well, at least I got some skating time in. I feel like I'm getting more comfortable on wheels and maybe even a bit faster, too.

Tonight was day three of boot camp. I was determined to skate harder than this past Saturday. I skated my butt off on Saturday, mind you, but managed not to fall down, even once. My thoughts today were that I needed to push myself to the point of falling. If I wasn't risking a fall, I wasn't trying the moves hard enough.

Tonight, I managed to fall down several times. I was reminded how easy it is to fall on my knee pads, and that it doesn't hurt. I love my knee pads! I got more confident. I was practicing a move intended for very coordinated people called the "drunken sailor" when I fell in a not so pretty way. The fall itself didn't hurt me, but my already cramping muscles were unhappy about it, and I immediately got a cramp in my calf. When I stood up, I realized my quad muscles were also pissed off. I tried some light stretching and tried to skate it off, but one of the Betties noticed I was struggling with the cross overs (oddly enough, the move I'd been practicing the night before). When I told her I was having some muscle pain, she recommended that I sit out the rest of practice and ice it.

No biggie really. This, I'm sure, is the first of many. I hate feeling like I'm wimping out, but I also know better than to keep pushing myself through an injury (running injuries taught me that lesson. Twice). The part that pisses me off the most is just that I now have to rest. I had big plans tomorrow to go for a run or possibly try out my shiny new outdoor wheels (they are so pretty!), and then to go to a personal training session. The derby girls recommended that I ice and rest for 48 hours. Boo! But I will because it's easier to get better now than to get better after I hurt myself worse. I'm going to call my trainer tomorrow to see if he thinks it would be better to cancel my session or if we can work around a pulled muscle.

The part that I'm proud of is that two years ago, I would have loved an excuse to rest. Now being active is fun for me and much of my free time is scheduled around fitness activities I can do. I've come a long way.

Betty Boot Camp - Day 1

I can barely sit on my chair as I write this.  I can also barely stand up.  I'm sore, and I know tomorrow will be a new version of sore.

On Saturday, my husband and I went to the last bout of the season.  It was awesome!  The place was packed, my team was down for the first half, and then brought an amazing comeback!  My husband lost his voice from cheering so loud.  I brought my camera and had fun shooting, but realized later when looking through my photos that shooting moving targets in low light...well as fun as it was, not many of my photos were in focus.

Tonight was my very first practice on skates.  I've been skating around my house, a couple of times at a rink, and once on a bike path for 15 minutes before I realized that the longer I skated, the further I would have to skate to return to my car.  And I really was determined not to break anything before my first practice.  I wanted to learn to fall first.

And fall I did.  Quite a few times on purpose, a few times less purposefully.

We started out with butt cheek falls.  Twenty falls on each cheek for a total of 40 falls.  It's not so bad when you land on the squishy part of the butt, but I took two falls on the less squishy part.  At least it was once on each side, so I'm balanced.

Then we moved to single knee falls.  Think lunges.  On wheels.  This was the part where I went from thinking "I'm a badass in the most awesome shape of my life" to "uh oh."  I seriously need to work on strengthening my thighs, particularly my quads.  I'll get right on that, when I can walk again.

Then double knee falls.  It's more of a slide, like a rock star would do while playing a mean riff on the guitar.  I could do those alright.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, I switched out my wheels.  I had been using "multipurpose" wheels that supposedly can be used both on the track as well as outside.  I learned that they are less than mediocre for both situations, so I borrowed some wheels from a girl who is off her skates for a while due to injury.  Yikes!  Real wheels are much slicker than what I was using, and I "practiced" a few more butt cheek falls.

Then we did some core strengthening exercises.  This is where I thought I'd shine.  I've been doing Pilates on a somewhat regular basis.  I was proud of my core strength.  Until I tried doing the same move with skates on my feet.  Skates are heavy!  And suddenly I was less proud of my core strength.  I'll be working on that too, just not tonight.

Overall, I'm happy with practice.  I survived without breaking anything.  I'd had a little fantasy about going out there and nailing all the moves on the first try, but that would have been too easy.  When that fantasy bubble burst, I created a new fantasy.  Now my fantasy is that I'm the girl who tries SO HARD that no matter how much I screw up, I still impress with my determination. 

The extra bonus of it all is that for two hours, I wasn't anxious.  I've been so anxious lately about work, personal life, pretty much everything, that my entire everything feels tense.  Tonight, I was completely focused on falling and not falling, and while I was on the track, didn't think once about my stress off the track.