Tuesday, December 28, 2010
This blog has moved
Sorry Blogger, your site is too buggy for me. I'm told that my friends have had to be very persistent in order to leave comments. I have not been able to view my stats from my browser since November. Boo! My blog has moved here: http://thatshowirollerderby.wordpress.com/
Saturday, December 25, 2010
I was THAT girl for a second
Back in October, when I was entertaining the notion of joining boot camp, I took a short honeymoon with my sweetie (the first of many, I hope). I had already emailed Viva to ask about joining boot camp, which was the first step, but hadn't made a commitment to it yet. Viva recommended that I check out Sin City Skates for my equipment and mentioned that if I couldn't make it down to San Diego, they would help me get the right fit over the telephone.
We were in Big Bear for an overnight stay when it occurred to us that San Diego wasn't too far out of our way back to Santa Barbara. OK, it is in the opposite direction of Santa Barbara, but we would have the advantage of being able to skip L.A. on the way south. That was when I made the first commitment to roller derby by dropping a bunch of money on skates and gear for a sport that I had never tried before.
I should mention that the girls at Sin City Skates are really helpful and it was worth making a trip there, though I've also heard that they are super helpful over the phone as well.
On the way home, we did have to go through L.A., during rush hour no less. Matt had the brilliant idea of looking for a roller rink where I could try out my new skates while we waited for traffic to thin out a little (by L.A. standards). We stopped at the Holiday Skate Center in Orange County to acquaint me with my skates. This was my first time on skates since I was about 13 years old. I penguin-walked a little, until I started to find my stride. I felt like I was moving along pretty well until a real roller derby girl passed me. And passed me again. She sped by effortlessly, lapping everyone on the rink. I felt intimidated, impressed, and a little star-struck, even though I have no idea who she was. All I know is that she was a Rock Star. I turned to Matt and said "I want to do that!"
Yesterday, I was her for a second.
On Christmas Eve, we drove down to Glendale to do our last-minute shopping for a pair of children's skates since we weren't able to find the right size locally. We went to the Moonlight Rollerway in Glendale to buy the skates and picked up some extra rink time as well. There were only about 15-20 people there, and not a single roller girl. I was instantly one of the best skaters there. I spent most of the hour and a half practicing steady, controlled crossovers, being careful not to go too crazy since I was skating with people who were less comfortable on skates than I was. As with all the rinks I've been to in the past few months, the music was pure crap. I miss the rock and roll (AC/DC, Survivor, Pat Benetar) of the 80's rinks, but I'd be even more content with some 70's funk. No such luck. I'm forever going to associate the 2010 Top 40 crap with the year I learned to skate.
Toward the very end of the open skate time, the rink cleared, the little kids left and there were just a few of us. I no longer had to worry about falling in front of someone who couldn't dart around me. It was like a parting of the clouds. I went for it, practicing my crossovers while gathering more and more speed. I might struggled to keep up with a pace line, but or a second, I was that girl I had seen that the OC rink, the Rock Star Roller Girl, gliding past everyone else on the rink.
We were in Big Bear for an overnight stay when it occurred to us that San Diego wasn't too far out of our way back to Santa Barbara. OK, it is in the opposite direction of Santa Barbara, but we would have the advantage of being able to skip L.A. on the way south. That was when I made the first commitment to roller derby by dropping a bunch of money on skates and gear for a sport that I had never tried before.
I should mention that the girls at Sin City Skates are really helpful and it was worth making a trip there, though I've also heard that they are super helpful over the phone as well.
On the way home, we did have to go through L.A., during rush hour no less. Matt had the brilliant idea of looking for a roller rink where I could try out my new skates while we waited for traffic to thin out a little (by L.A. standards). We stopped at the Holiday Skate Center in Orange County to acquaint me with my skates. This was my first time on skates since I was about 13 years old. I penguin-walked a little, until I started to find my stride. I felt like I was moving along pretty well until a real roller derby girl passed me. And passed me again. She sped by effortlessly, lapping everyone on the rink. I felt intimidated, impressed, and a little star-struck, even though I have no idea who she was. All I know is that she was a Rock Star. I turned to Matt and said "I want to do that!"
Yesterday, I was her for a second.
On Christmas Eve, we drove down to Glendale to do our last-minute shopping for a pair of children's skates since we weren't able to find the right size locally. We went to the Moonlight Rollerway in Glendale to buy the skates and picked up some extra rink time as well. There were only about 15-20 people there, and not a single roller girl. I was instantly one of the best skaters there. I spent most of the hour and a half practicing steady, controlled crossovers, being careful not to go too crazy since I was skating with people who were less comfortable on skates than I was. As with all the rinks I've been to in the past few months, the music was pure crap. I miss the rock and roll (AC/DC, Survivor, Pat Benetar) of the 80's rinks, but I'd be even more content with some 70's funk. No such luck. I'm forever going to associate the 2010 Top 40 crap with the year I learned to skate.
Toward the very end of the open skate time, the rink cleared, the little kids left and there were just a few of us. I no longer had to worry about falling in front of someone who couldn't dart around me. It was like a parting of the clouds. I went for it, practicing my crossovers while gathering more and more speed. I might struggled to keep up with a pace line, but or a second, I was that girl I had seen that the OC rink, the Rock Star Roller Girl, gliding past everyone else on the rink.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Six Weeks
Tonight was kind of an informal practice. Thursdays are normally when the Betties have their real practice while the Nuggets (beginners) who want some extra track time can skate around the side of the track. Tonight there were not very many of either group. My bet is that a lot of people are out of town for the holidays. Also, it has been raining buckets and today was the first day since the rains that the track was available. We started off by toweling off the remaining puddles.
Tonight we reviewed our skills and did kind of a run-through of what the assessments will look like. Before I can join the team, I'll need to pass the skills assessment which is a standard test of skills that all roller derby girls must pass to show basic competence on the track. As the date grows closer, I've become more and more anxious about the skills I haven't conquered yet. Anxious is actually a gentle word for it. It has been consuming me.
We did our run through. I'm glad I got to do this because I missed the skills review a few weeks ago when I was in Washington. I struggled to keep up with the pace line, flailed on my stops, still can't glide on my right foot, and took a few magnificent falls. I was so intent on trying the moves that "falling small" was the last thing on my mind. We are taught to fall small so that when we fall on the track, we are less likely to get run over by the girls behind us. Luckily, I did my own sprawling falls far from everyone else and didn't get run over.
At this point, passing assessments on the first try seems to be beyond my reach. As badly as I want this, it actually feels liberating to accept that I need more practice. And practice, I am. I'm going balls to the wall every chance I get. I'm pushing myself like I've never pushed myself before. I'm taking every opportunity to get more comfortable on my skates, taking advantage of extra time on the track, going to Ventura to use the rink, and skating around my wood floors at home. I'm on skates every day of the week. At least I can't be discouraged about my effort.
When I do get discouraged, I remind myself that I've only been doing this for six weeks. No, of course I can't skate like a real roller derby girl yet, I'm still a baby roller skater. I'm basically learning to crawl, walk, run, fall, and do what feels to my body like crazy acrobatics, all in a really short time period. I may not keep up with the other girls, but I'm skating circles around the skater I was six weeks ago. I'm maneuvering around the crowded rink without running over the kids who dart out in front of me (or worse, fall down right in front of me).
Yes, I would love to pass assessments, but all in good time. Instead of focusing on that, I need to keep reminding myself of how much I've improved in six weeks and how I can be proud of my dedication, effort, and tenacity. I'm also proud of the bruises I've accumulated in the process.
Meanwhile, I have plans to skate again tomorrow.
Tonight we reviewed our skills and did kind of a run-through of what the assessments will look like. Before I can join the team, I'll need to pass the skills assessment which is a standard test of skills that all roller derby girls must pass to show basic competence on the track. As the date grows closer, I've become more and more anxious about the skills I haven't conquered yet. Anxious is actually a gentle word for it. It has been consuming me.
We did our run through. I'm glad I got to do this because I missed the skills review a few weeks ago when I was in Washington. I struggled to keep up with the pace line, flailed on my stops, still can't glide on my right foot, and took a few magnificent falls. I was so intent on trying the moves that "falling small" was the last thing on my mind. We are taught to fall small so that when we fall on the track, we are less likely to get run over by the girls behind us. Luckily, I did my own sprawling falls far from everyone else and didn't get run over.
At this point, passing assessments on the first try seems to be beyond my reach. As badly as I want this, it actually feels liberating to accept that I need more practice. And practice, I am. I'm going balls to the wall every chance I get. I'm pushing myself like I've never pushed myself before. I'm taking every opportunity to get more comfortable on my skates, taking advantage of extra time on the track, going to Ventura to use the rink, and skating around my wood floors at home. I'm on skates every day of the week. At least I can't be discouraged about my effort.
When I do get discouraged, I remind myself that I've only been doing this for six weeks. No, of course I can't skate like a real roller derby girl yet, I'm still a baby roller skater. I'm basically learning to crawl, walk, run, fall, and do what feels to my body like crazy acrobatics, all in a really short time period. I may not keep up with the other girls, but I'm skating circles around the skater I was six weeks ago. I'm maneuvering around the crowded rink without running over the kids who dart out in front of me (or worse, fall down right in front of me).
Yes, I would love to pass assessments, but all in good time. Instead of focusing on that, I need to keep reminding myself of how much I've improved in six weeks and how I can be proud of my dedication, effort, and tenacity. I'm also proud of the bruises I've accumulated in the process.
Meanwhile, I have plans to skate again tomorrow.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Derby Butt
Those of you who have known me for a while know that before my adventures in roller derby, I was doing an adventure in weight loss. In the past 20 months or so, I've lost 95-ish pounds. A lot. At this point, I'm used to getting smaller, watching the scale go down, and having to buy smaller and smaller clothes, even if that's not happening as quickly as it did in the beginning.
Since starting roller derby, my priorities have shifted a bit. Instead of keeping myself on a strict 1,500 calorie diet, I'm having to fuel my workouts by eating more. I've been doing tons of strength training, less of my usual cardio (running or elliptical) and more skating. I think it's working, because I feel stronger and slimmer, but the scale shows I'm gaining weight. I'm probably the only girl out there who has gained weight since we started boot camp (ok, it's only 3 pounds...). My pants, while they aren't complaining, are fitting me differently. My thighs have always been the barrier between me and smaller jeans, and that's not changing. Yes, they're getting rock hard, but they sure as hell aren't getting any smaller.
I've given up the dream of my calves ever fitting into regular knee-high leather boots. When I find the perfect pair, they will be wider for the more "athletic" calves. That's right, my calves will not be getting any smaller either.
On to the derby butt...
Derby girls have the most amazing butts. All of them, no matter what size they are. Perfect, round, and muscular. It's a sight to behold. While mine is just in the beginning stages, it is definitely changing. Squats, lunges, skating low, and I believe just striding, do wonders for the butt. But no, my butt does not seem to be getting any smaller.
As positive as all of these changes are, it does require that I change my measure of success. I'm adding muscle, so the scale is likely to rebel right now. My thighs seem to have stopped shrinking, so size 6 jeans may not be in my immediate future. Perhaps as my body adjusts to the abuse I'm putting it through, I'll get smaller in the right places, but for now my focus is elsewhere--balance, strength, crossovers, wall sits, planks squats. It's probably a good thing too. People who have lost a large amount of weight know that reaching their goal weight can be a disorienting feeling of "Now what? Is that it?" I hope to gradually glide into my happy weight/body composition and know that I've already moved on to bigger and badder things.
Since starting roller derby, my priorities have shifted a bit. Instead of keeping myself on a strict 1,500 calorie diet, I'm having to fuel my workouts by eating more. I've been doing tons of strength training, less of my usual cardio (running or elliptical) and more skating. I think it's working, because I feel stronger and slimmer, but the scale shows I'm gaining weight. I'm probably the only girl out there who has gained weight since we started boot camp (ok, it's only 3 pounds...). My pants, while they aren't complaining, are fitting me differently. My thighs have always been the barrier between me and smaller jeans, and that's not changing. Yes, they're getting rock hard, but they sure as hell aren't getting any smaller.
I've given up the dream of my calves ever fitting into regular knee-high leather boots. When I find the perfect pair, they will be wider for the more "athletic" calves. That's right, my calves will not be getting any smaller either.
On to the derby butt...
 |
As positive as all of these changes are, it does require that I change my measure of success. I'm adding muscle, so the scale is likely to rebel right now. My thighs seem to have stopped shrinking, so size 6 jeans may not be in my immediate future. Perhaps as my body adjusts to the abuse I'm putting it through, I'll get smaller in the right places, but for now my focus is elsewhere--balance, strength, crossovers, wall sits, planks squats. It's probably a good thing too. People who have lost a large amount of weight know that reaching their goal weight can be a disorienting feeling of "Now what? Is that it?" I hope to gradually glide into my happy weight/body composition and know that I've already moved on to bigger and badder things.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
I'm Taking the Family With Me
Last week, Matt and I took the girls to the skating rink for their first time on skates, ever. We thought it would be best to start them out with some lessons, rather than just putting them on wheels and sending them off. I know that kids don't really need lessons to be able to learn new things, but we thought it might help with the frustration factor.
To be honest, I was really anxious, watching them fall on their butts over and over. No, I wasn't really worried that they'd hurt themselves, my anxiety was more out of hope that it would be something they could enjoy. These girls are really good at forming their own opinions about things and I was kind of worried that one or both of them would decide that they don't like skating. I have to admit that I was invested in them enjoying skating.
After that first 45 minute lesson, they were tired and their feet were hot. We left after that instead of staying for open skate.
The next day, we went back to the rink for a cousin's birthday part. I think the lesson helped after all, because the girls were instantly in skate heaven. We were there for almost three hours and even when we saw that their eyes were at half mast out of exhaustion, we still had to convince them that it was time to go. They're hooked. Their investment is different than mine, but now we're in it together. Not only that, but Matt now wants some skates and is setting a goal to do roller derby boot camp next year. He's intimiadated by our workouts, but has been following along with my home exercises to prepare himself for the ass kicking that he anticipates next year.
Yes, obsession is contageous, and now I've got my whole family in it.
Meanwhile, I'm struggling with keeping my obsession a positive one. It's hard to keep my skill level separate from my self-confidence level. When I do well on the track, I feel great. When I don't, my confidence plummets. It becomes so much easier to focus on what I can't do than what I can do, and I bring myself down.
Everything about roller derby is so far outside my comfort zone. After a particularly bad string of self-depricating comments, Matt gave me one of his pep talks and reminded me that I've doing something I've never even come close to attempting before. This whole business of losing weight and getting fit...I've done that before. It's wasn't an easy task, but it was a familiar one. I've never been an athlete before. I've never been on a sports team or even wanted to be on a sports team. Someone recently asked me, is roller derby training hard? It's just about the hardest physical thing I've ever put my body through on purpose. Emotionally, it's not the hardests thing I've been through, but it is new and unfamiliar. I want this so badly that sometimes I put myself in a bad mood. That's not good.
Yesterday was one of those days. It's raining buckets and supposed to keep raining. That means no outdoor skating and no regular practice on our outdoor track. Under normal conditions, I would accept that Santa Barbarans have no place to complain about the weather. We have gorgeous weather all year, and when it rains, it's welcome. Except now that I want to skate. It turned my mood yesterday, even though I got to go to the rink and skate with the kids. I skated slowly alongside them, encouraging their zombie stance and used the opportunity to practice my derby stance (squatting position) the whole way around the track. I yearned for some speed, and made a couple of loops around the track on my own, but it wasn't the same as the ass whooping I normally get at practice. I'm an addict and I was without my fix. I ended up missing the alternatively scheduled practice in a conference room doing plyometrics, so I came home and did my own workout, but it just wasn't the same.
I went to bed last night still grumbling. Matt had me look up a list of the skills that I'll need to pass the assessments in a few weeks. It helped because I could see on paper that I am capable of doing most of the skills, even if I can't do the perfectly. There are a few skills that are just beyond my reach, but many of them are things that I can do with some accuracy. I felt better after looking at what I can do rather than what I can't.
I decided before going to sleep that today will be a better day. I will look for a covered parking garage where I can practice cross overs and some of the falls that I haven't done in a while. And if I can't skate today, I'm going to accept that too. I need to keep skating fun, and the kids are an excellent reminder of that.
To be honest, I was really anxious, watching them fall on their butts over and over. No, I wasn't really worried that they'd hurt themselves, my anxiety was more out of hope that it would be something they could enjoy. These girls are really good at forming their own opinions about things and I was kind of worried that one or both of them would decide that they don't like skating. I have to admit that I was invested in them enjoying skating.
After that first 45 minute lesson, they were tired and their feet were hot. We left after that instead of staying for open skate.
The next day, we went back to the rink for a cousin's birthday part. I think the lesson helped after all, because the girls were instantly in skate heaven. We were there for almost three hours and even when we saw that their eyes were at half mast out of exhaustion, we still had to convince them that it was time to go. They're hooked. Their investment is different than mine, but now we're in it together. Not only that, but Matt now wants some skates and is setting a goal to do roller derby boot camp next year. He's intimiadated by our workouts, but has been following along with my home exercises to prepare himself for the ass kicking that he anticipates next year.
 |
| Kate's zombie stance (Braaaiiins!) |
 |
| Molly working her derby stance, while Matt wishes he was on skates |
Yes, obsession is contageous, and now I've got my whole family in it.
Meanwhile, I'm struggling with keeping my obsession a positive one. It's hard to keep my skill level separate from my self-confidence level. When I do well on the track, I feel great. When I don't, my confidence plummets. It becomes so much easier to focus on what I can't do than what I can do, and I bring myself down.
Everything about roller derby is so far outside my comfort zone. After a particularly bad string of self-depricating comments, Matt gave me one of his pep talks and reminded me that I've doing something I've never even come close to attempting before. This whole business of losing weight and getting fit...I've done that before. It's wasn't an easy task, but it was a familiar one. I've never been an athlete before. I've never been on a sports team or even wanted to be on a sports team. Someone recently asked me, is roller derby training hard? It's just about the hardest physical thing I've ever put my body through on purpose. Emotionally, it's not the hardests thing I've been through, but it is new and unfamiliar. I want this so badly that sometimes I put myself in a bad mood. That's not good.
Yesterday was one of those days. It's raining buckets and supposed to keep raining. That means no outdoor skating and no regular practice on our outdoor track. Under normal conditions, I would accept that Santa Barbarans have no place to complain about the weather. We have gorgeous weather all year, and when it rains, it's welcome. Except now that I want to skate. It turned my mood yesterday, even though I got to go to the rink and skate with the kids. I skated slowly alongside them, encouraging their zombie stance and used the opportunity to practice my derby stance (squatting position) the whole way around the track. I yearned for some speed, and made a couple of loops around the track on my own, but it wasn't the same as the ass whooping I normally get at practice. I'm an addict and I was without my fix. I ended up missing the alternatively scheduled practice in a conference room doing plyometrics, so I came home and did my own workout, but it just wasn't the same.
I went to bed last night still grumbling. Matt had me look up a list of the skills that I'll need to pass the assessments in a few weeks. It helped because I could see on paper that I am capable of doing most of the skills, even if I can't do the perfectly. There are a few skills that are just beyond my reach, but many of them are things that I can do with some accuracy. I felt better after looking at what I can do rather than what I can't.
I decided before going to sleep that today will be a better day. I will look for a covered parking garage where I can practice cross overs and some of the falls that I haven't done in a while. And if I can't skate today, I'm going to accept that too. I need to keep skating fun, and the kids are an excellent reminder of that.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Whip It!
To start out, I'd like to be honest about something. Drew Barrymore's movie Whip It did NOT inspire me to try roller derby. In fact, I didn't watch it until, after attending a bout in October, I scoured the internet for All Things Derby. Yes, my first exposure to roller derby was the Mission City Brawlin' Betties v. Bakersfield Diamond Divas. I left that bout thinking, "Those girls are rock stars. I wish I could do that."
Last night we did whips. It was just about the most fun I've had at practice so far, and I didn't suck at it horribly. Whips are basically where you're transferring all of the forward motion of one skater into another skater (the jammer). We also skated around trying to push each other down. I loved it!
Reading over my blogs, I seem to be on a confidence roller coaster. Practice is that way too. Yesterday I was dreading practice, not because I'm afraid of falling or getting hurt, but because I don't like feeling like I suck. All day, I thought to myself, "Why am I going to practice knowing that I'll leave feeling crappy about myself?" Of course, I was wrong. The feeling crappy about myself bit comes from me, not from practice. Last night I left feeling pretty incredible.
I think what it comes down to is that I'm good at some things and not so good at others. Duh, right? Except that I'm used to being able to be good at whatever I put my mind to. No, I'm not perfect by any means. Far from it actually. Some things just aren't worth putting my mind to and so I continue sucking at them. But most of the time, when something matters to me a lot, I can at least eek out a reasonable amount of skill. Skating is different because some of it requires muscles and flexibility I don't have yet, and some of the more agile moves are just beyond me. I feel like my strength is in my ability to get low, engage my core, and stay stable. I discovered that yesterday while doing pushes and whips. No, I'm not a star pupil, but I was in my element. I can't wait until we actually start blocking. I think my hips were made for blocking.
We also did speed drills yesterday. I'm not fast enough to pass assessments yet, but I was somewhere in the middle of the group. Before I write about the speed drill yesterday, I have to share another story.
On Sunday, I went to a kids birthday party at the skating rink, and spent the whole time practicing. It's awkward practicing skills that require me to fall in that kind of setting, because hardly anyone else is falling, but I did go down on a knee a few times. Anyhow, when it comes to the organized races, I got off the track. I did not need to embarrass myself like that. Until my family started taunting me. I saw my brothers in law get out there for the race, and somehow I decided that I needed to at least beat them. Which I did :) I finished somewhere in the middle of the group, not the fastest, not the slowest. I did not do crossovers during the race because I'm not quite confident enough with them yet. Part of the problem is that crossovers make me go so freakin' fast that I feel like I don't have much control over the turn. I was proud of myself for getting out there though, and I didn't do a face plant like my brother in law did, hehe.
Anyhow, back to the speed drills. We did as many laps as we could in 5 minutes. At the end of the 5 minutes, I should have been spent, but I still had some energy left in me. It's good to know that I've got endurance (running pays off!), but in order to go faster, I need to feel more comfortable on my feet, err, skates. I need to feel like I have control over my turns even when I'm going fast.
I'm getting my family addicted to skating, but this blog is long enough already, and I'll save it for another blog.
Also, I should note that I learned how to change my blog settings and now anyone can leave a comment, even if you're not a registered user. I love comments. Just sayin'.
Last night we did whips. It was just about the most fun I've had at practice so far, and I didn't suck at it horribly. Whips are basically where you're transferring all of the forward motion of one skater into another skater (the jammer). We also skated around trying to push each other down. I loved it!
Reading over my blogs, I seem to be on a confidence roller coaster. Practice is that way too. Yesterday I was dreading practice, not because I'm afraid of falling or getting hurt, but because I don't like feeling like I suck. All day, I thought to myself, "Why am I going to practice knowing that I'll leave feeling crappy about myself?" Of course, I was wrong. The feeling crappy about myself bit comes from me, not from practice. Last night I left feeling pretty incredible.
I think what it comes down to is that I'm good at some things and not so good at others. Duh, right? Except that I'm used to being able to be good at whatever I put my mind to. No, I'm not perfect by any means. Far from it actually. Some things just aren't worth putting my mind to and so I continue sucking at them. But most of the time, when something matters to me a lot, I can at least eek out a reasonable amount of skill. Skating is different because some of it requires muscles and flexibility I don't have yet, and some of the more agile moves are just beyond me. I feel like my strength is in my ability to get low, engage my core, and stay stable. I discovered that yesterday while doing pushes and whips. No, I'm not a star pupil, but I was in my element. I can't wait until we actually start blocking. I think my hips were made for blocking.
We also did speed drills yesterday. I'm not fast enough to pass assessments yet, but I was somewhere in the middle of the group. Before I write about the speed drill yesterday, I have to share another story.
On Sunday, I went to a kids birthday party at the skating rink, and spent the whole time practicing. It's awkward practicing skills that require me to fall in that kind of setting, because hardly anyone else is falling, but I did go down on a knee a few times. Anyhow, when it comes to the organized races, I got off the track. I did not need to embarrass myself like that. Until my family started taunting me. I saw my brothers in law get out there for the race, and somehow I decided that I needed to at least beat them. Which I did :) I finished somewhere in the middle of the group, not the fastest, not the slowest. I did not do crossovers during the race because I'm not quite confident enough with them yet. Part of the problem is that crossovers make me go so freakin' fast that I feel like I don't have much control over the turn. I was proud of myself for getting out there though, and I didn't do a face plant like my brother in law did, hehe.
Anyhow, back to the speed drills. We did as many laps as we could in 5 minutes. At the end of the 5 minutes, I should have been spent, but I still had some energy left in me. It's good to know that I've got endurance (running pays off!), but in order to go faster, I need to feel more comfortable on my feet, err, skates. I need to feel like I have control over my turns even when I'm going fast.
I'm getting my family addicted to skating, but this blog is long enough already, and I'll save it for another blog.
Also, I should note that I learned how to change my blog settings and now anyone can leave a comment, even if you're not a registered user. I love comments. Just sayin'.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Ups and Downs
After Tuesday's practice and how invigorated it left me, I was really looking forward to practice yesterday. A LOT.
Before practice, Matt and I took the girls to the skating rink in Ventura for lessons. I was more nervous than they were! I really wanted it to be a good experience for them and was worried that they would be frustrated by falling or have expectations that they would be figure skating by the end of the lesson. It was almost hard to watch, but they did great! Each time they fell, they got up with a smile and kept going. In retrospect, it doesn't surprise me. Kids are good at falling and getting up, much better than grown ups are.
The experience left me with skating blue-balls though. I brought my skate bag in case there was an opportunity for me to get some rink time, but it was just kids. Instead we had lunch and headed back to Santa Barbara for my practice.
Perhaps it was just an off day. I've had those with other forms of exercise before skating. You know, a crappy run, a day when I can't lift as much as usual, a day when my heart rate goes through the roof for seemingly no reason. Often it's because I've been overdoing it and haven't been resting enough. Sometimes it's because I'm stressed out. Sometimes it's because I haven't eaten enough. I don't know what it was yesterday, but practice was incredibly frustrating.
True, we were practicing skills that I haven't practiced before, so I should give my body (and mind) a break. But even with that in mind, I just didn't have the extra push that I had at last practice. It was hot (75 degrees in December!) and sweat was flowing out of my helmet into my eyes. Not just dripping--flowing. It was gross. I didn't see anyone else out there quite as gross and sweaty as I was. I worried that someone would slip and fall in my pools of sweat.
I made it through the two hours, but I was disappointed with myself. Whether it was the heat or the crap food I ate, or just an "off day," it was disappointing. It was the first time I felt like crying after skating, but roller girls don't cry (do they?). I think the threat of tears was more out of exhaustion than anything else, because on the way home, I was able to list all the things that I'm proud of. I'm proud that I did it. I'm proud that I keep going, despite my ups and downs. I'm proud of my jumps. Although I did my share of whining, I'm proud that instead of sitting on the sidelines whining about how I can't do it, I call out for one of the Betties to help me understand what I'm doing wrong. I'm proud that even if I can't quite get it, I'm closer to "almost getting it" than I was at the beginning. It's improvement.
Today I'm going to a kids birthday party which happens to be at the skating rink. After helping my girls get out and skate until they're tired, I'm going to practice the shit out of my moves. Even if it means falling down in public a whole bunch.
Before practice, Matt and I took the girls to the skating rink in Ventura for lessons. I was more nervous than they were! I really wanted it to be a good experience for them and was worried that they would be frustrated by falling or have expectations that they would be figure skating by the end of the lesson. It was almost hard to watch, but they did great! Each time they fell, they got up with a smile and kept going. In retrospect, it doesn't surprise me. Kids are good at falling and getting up, much better than grown ups are.
The experience left me with skating blue-balls though. I brought my skate bag in case there was an opportunity for me to get some rink time, but it was just kids. Instead we had lunch and headed back to Santa Barbara for my practice.
Perhaps it was just an off day. I've had those with other forms of exercise before skating. You know, a crappy run, a day when I can't lift as much as usual, a day when my heart rate goes through the roof for seemingly no reason. Often it's because I've been overdoing it and haven't been resting enough. Sometimes it's because I'm stressed out. Sometimes it's because I haven't eaten enough. I don't know what it was yesterday, but practice was incredibly frustrating.
True, we were practicing skills that I haven't practiced before, so I should give my body (and mind) a break. But even with that in mind, I just didn't have the extra push that I had at last practice. It was hot (75 degrees in December!) and sweat was flowing out of my helmet into my eyes. Not just dripping--flowing. It was gross. I didn't see anyone else out there quite as gross and sweaty as I was. I worried that someone would slip and fall in my pools of sweat.
I made it through the two hours, but I was disappointed with myself. Whether it was the heat or the crap food I ate, or just an "off day," it was disappointing. It was the first time I felt like crying after skating, but roller girls don't cry (do they?). I think the threat of tears was more out of exhaustion than anything else, because on the way home, I was able to list all the things that I'm proud of. I'm proud that I did it. I'm proud that I keep going, despite my ups and downs. I'm proud of my jumps. Although I did my share of whining, I'm proud that instead of sitting on the sidelines whining about how I can't do it, I call out for one of the Betties to help me understand what I'm doing wrong. I'm proud that even if I can't quite get it, I'm closer to "almost getting it" than I was at the beginning. It's improvement.
Today I'm going to a kids birthday party which happens to be at the skating rink. After helping my girls get out and skate until they're tired, I'm going to practice the shit out of my moves. Even if it means falling down in public a whole bunch.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I'm Back!
I'm back in Santa Barbara after an unplanned trip to Washington to spend time with family. As I blogged before, I brought my skate bag and outdoor wheels with me and did my thing in an empty parking lot more days than not. One one occasion, I had both parents join me to see what I was up to. Here are some photos from that.
Yesterday was my first day back to my routine and I wasn't feeling very chipper. The week had been emotionally exhausting for me and my head wasn't quite on straight. I muddled through my workday and didn't feel like my usual self. I haven't been sleeping and I think that added to it. I was also really REALLY stressed about getting back on the track for my first practice in what feels like a really long time. In reality I think it was just two weeks, but a lot can happen in two weeks. I somehow imagined that I would come back and all the other girls would have mastered all the skills that I was flailing at on my own.
Skating practice on my own is nothing like doing it with the group. I try to push myself, but when the muscles start burning, I usually decide "that's enough for now." With the Betties, my muscles are burning and the whistle is still blowing, and I keep going.
Anyhow, despite feeling disoriented, distant, and doubtful, I went to practice. IT. WAS. AWESOME.
Now I can't say that I came back being an awesome skater, but I found some confidence. I fell a few times while warming up and the falls were nice and fluffy--no pain. That kind of fall is good, because it reminds me that falling isn't quite as scary as I remember. I practiced my stops and discovered that I can do a T-stop! The stops are really hard to practice on asphalt with outdoor wheels, so I felt like a loser when I was trying to do them in my favorite parking lot, but back on the track, I could do it! I'm still working on the plow stops, but I think I understand the mechanics of it now and just have to get my body to do it.
I practiced skating with a pack, weaving in and out of teammates (something that I was sure I wasn't ready to do yet), and speed. I surprised myself by having the balls to try things that seemed way beyond my skill level, and actually being able to do it! Not well, of course, but doing it well will come later. I think that's what I was missing while I was gone--the ability to push past my comfort zone.
I left the track feeling alive and giddy. Sweaty too, but mostly giddy.
I'll leave you with an old photo of me, I must have been about ten years old here, skating on the street in front of our house.
Yesterday was my first day back to my routine and I wasn't feeling very chipper. The week had been emotionally exhausting for me and my head wasn't quite on straight. I muddled through my workday and didn't feel like my usual self. I haven't been sleeping and I think that added to it. I was also really REALLY stressed about getting back on the track for my first practice in what feels like a really long time. In reality I think it was just two weeks, but a lot can happen in two weeks. I somehow imagined that I would come back and all the other girls would have mastered all the skills that I was flailing at on my own.
Skating practice on my own is nothing like doing it with the group. I try to push myself, but when the muscles start burning, I usually decide "that's enough for now." With the Betties, my muscles are burning and the whistle is still blowing, and I keep going.
Anyhow, despite feeling disoriented, distant, and doubtful, I went to practice. IT. WAS. AWESOME.
Now I can't say that I came back being an awesome skater, but I found some confidence. I fell a few times while warming up and the falls were nice and fluffy--no pain. That kind of fall is good, because it reminds me that falling isn't quite as scary as I remember. I practiced my stops and discovered that I can do a T-stop! The stops are really hard to practice on asphalt with outdoor wheels, so I felt like a loser when I was trying to do them in my favorite parking lot, but back on the track, I could do it! I'm still working on the plow stops, but I think I understand the mechanics of it now and just have to get my body to do it.
I practiced skating with a pack, weaving in and out of teammates (something that I was sure I wasn't ready to do yet), and speed. I surprised myself by having the balls to try things that seemed way beyond my skill level, and actually being able to do it! Not well, of course, but doing it well will come later. I think that's what I was missing while I was gone--the ability to push past my comfort zone.
I left the track feeling alive and giddy. Sweaty too, but mostly giddy.
I'll leave you with an old photo of me, I must have been about ten years old here, skating on the street in front of our house.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Devotion
There was a skating rink here in my hometown when I was growing up, and I spent many an afternoon skating my heart out to Survivor, Pat Benetar, and AC/DC. Sadly, the skating rink has since been turned into a church. I sometimes wonder if the concrete floor with the bumpy, flakey, blue paint is still there, underneath the pews and probably some carpet. I now refer to the skating rink as the holy roller rink, even though it is no more.
My devotion brought me not to a church, but a parking lot. It must be devotion, because nothing else would have brought me out in the damp, windy, 40-degree weather. I'm still in Washington due to a family emergency and have to make do with practicing on my own. The parking lot is actually serving me quite well. I use the parking spaces to practice weaving. I have an imaginary track made up of random paint markings on the ground. I practiced going around and around as quickly as I could without falling over. I also found a straightaway bike path where I could work on speed as well as dodging debris left by the winds.
The frustration I had the other day is dissipating. I am pushing on. I had a better practice today. Even though I don't feel like I am mastering any specific skills, I do feel like I'm all-around more comfortable on skates. I'll get this eventually.
My devotion brought me not to a church, but a parking lot. It must be devotion, because nothing else would have brought me out in the damp, windy, 40-degree weather. I'm still in Washington due to a family emergency and have to make do with practicing on my own. The parking lot is actually serving me quite well. I use the parking spaces to practice weaving. I have an imaginary track made up of random paint markings on the ground. I practiced going around and around as quickly as I could without falling over. I also found a straightaway bike path where I could work on speed as well as dodging debris left by the winds.
The frustration I had the other day is dissipating. I am pushing on. I had a better practice today. Even though I don't feel like I am mastering any specific skills, I do feel like I'm all-around more comfortable on skates. I'll get this eventually.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Delays
Yesterday I made an unplanned trip up to Washington State to help out with a family emergency. Naturally, I brought my skate bag in hopes that I'll get some practice time, as I'll be missing practice for I don't know how long.
As it turns out, my hometown of Port Townsend has much better and much emptier parking lots than Santa Barbara. I managed to get some practice today but felt discouraged.
First of all, I'm discouraged that I'm missing practice, though I'm not the slightest bit regretful about my decision to come to Washington. We haven't had skating practice on the track for the past week and a half due to scheduling issues (apparently horse shows get priority over roller derby boot camp). I've done my best to get some practice on the side, but I just can't push myself the way the Betties can. There's no whistle, no Betties making suggestions about how to improve my form, and of course, no one practicing along side me. Our normal practices are two hours, but I'm struggling to practice skills on my own for more than 30 minutes.
Some of my frustration is that I'm so much more afraid of falling when I'm off the track. I don't know why this is. I was thinking it was because I don't want to fall publicly, but the place I found to skate here is rather private and I'm still afraid of falling. I fell deliberately a few times to make sure I knew that I could handle it. I handled it. But still, falling accidentally is stressful for me. I need to get over this, and quickly. I think part of it is that it's much harder to fall when I don't have the comraderie of all the other boot campers falling alongside me.
I'm getting the crossovers down, at least counter-clockwise. Are we supposed to be able to do it clockwise? I don't know. I need to get better at stops which is hard to practice on outdoor wheels with an only sort-of-smooth surface. I am struggling to roll on one foot. I can do it on my left foot, but not my right and it's pissing me off. I was doing tiny little jumps today and feeling more confident with it. I'm afraid to practice the "drunken sailor" move that led to my strained hamstring a couple of weeks ago.
Basically, I'm frustrated by my skill level and frustrated by my mind holding me back. I need to get over this, and it's an extra challenge to be trying to get over it by myself without the benefit of practicing with the Betties. I had a particularly whiny moment today when I wondered if I'm really cut out for roller derby. I know I'm dealing with a lot and I need to be patient with myself. I need to accept that I may not be ready to pass the assessments the first time it's offered; there will be future opportunities. I'm just going to keep doing what I can, practicing when I can, and doing my strength-training workouts.
As it turns out, my hometown of Port Townsend has much better and much emptier parking lots than Santa Barbara. I managed to get some practice today but felt discouraged.
First of all, I'm discouraged that I'm missing practice, though I'm not the slightest bit regretful about my decision to come to Washington. We haven't had skating practice on the track for the past week and a half due to scheduling issues (apparently horse shows get priority over roller derby boot camp). I've done my best to get some practice on the side, but I just can't push myself the way the Betties can. There's no whistle, no Betties making suggestions about how to improve my form, and of course, no one practicing along side me. Our normal practices are two hours, but I'm struggling to practice skills on my own for more than 30 minutes.
Some of my frustration is that I'm so much more afraid of falling when I'm off the track. I don't know why this is. I was thinking it was because I don't want to fall publicly, but the place I found to skate here is rather private and I'm still afraid of falling. I fell deliberately a few times to make sure I knew that I could handle it. I handled it. But still, falling accidentally is stressful for me. I need to get over this, and quickly. I think part of it is that it's much harder to fall when I don't have the comraderie of all the other boot campers falling alongside me.
I'm getting the crossovers down, at least counter-clockwise. Are we supposed to be able to do it clockwise? I don't know. I need to get better at stops which is hard to practice on outdoor wheels with an only sort-of-smooth surface. I am struggling to roll on one foot. I can do it on my left foot, but not my right and it's pissing me off. I was doing tiny little jumps today and feeling more confident with it. I'm afraid to practice the "drunken sailor" move that led to my strained hamstring a couple of weeks ago.
Basically, I'm frustrated by my skill level and frustrated by my mind holding me back. I need to get over this, and it's an extra challenge to be trying to get over it by myself without the benefit of practicing with the Betties. I had a particularly whiny moment today when I wondered if I'm really cut out for roller derby. I know I'm dealing with a lot and I need to be patient with myself. I need to accept that I may not be ready to pass the assessments the first time it's offered; there will be future opportunities. I'm just going to keep doing what I can, practicing when I can, and doing my strength-training workouts.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
My Mended Heart
When I was writing my very first blog ("Why Roller Derby?"), I somehow forgot one of the reasons that I'm training for roller derby. I covered the areas of fitness, confidence, etc., but forgot to mention a really big reason; my heart works. About eight months ago, I learned that I had a congenital heart defect. I was born with a hole in my heart which was making my heart work harder and less efficiently than it should have. This led to enlargement of the chambers of my heart and, I learned, made cardio workouts more difficult.
Six months ago, I had a procedure to patch up the hole. A device was placed in my heart though a catheter in my groin. When the cardiologist went to place the device, he discovered that the hole was larger than was first believed (1.7 cm) and he had to use the largest size of the device we had picked out.
Today I went back for my six month check up. They injected saline with very small bubbles into my vein so that they could monitor with ultrasound whether any of the bubbles could get past the device, which would indicate that the blood can flow backwards through the chambers of my heart. This backwards blood flow causes extra strain and can lead to enlargement of the heart. The backwards blood flow is suspected to be tied with certain kinds of migraines.
Before injecting the bubbles, the doctor told me that it's quite common for some bubbles to get through, and would not be unexpected considering the size of my defect. The bubbles were injected, and not a single one crossed over into the other chamber! Not only that, but the chambers of my heart have returned to a normal size. The doctor seemed to be just as excited about the result as I was. He said he might ask me to come in for additional studies just to help out with his research on these kinds of repairs (which I would gladly do--he's an incredible doctor and I'm very grateful for his care).
I told him about my decrease in migraines and improvement in fitness (another benefit of a fixed up heart). I told him that I was training for roller derby and had stopped taking blood thinners because the bruises would have been ridiculous. He agreed with my decision to stop blood thinners and was excited to hear about my roller derby endeavors. He said he loves to see the outcome of his work and asked for a ticket to a bout when I'm ready to start playing for real (I'll totally get him one). He repeated what he had told me at my three month check up:
"Don't hold back--go all out!"
And I will. Because I can.
Six months ago, I had a procedure to patch up the hole. A device was placed in my heart though a catheter in my groin. When the cardiologist went to place the device, he discovered that the hole was larger than was first believed (1.7 cm) and he had to use the largest size of the device we had picked out.
Today I went back for my six month check up. They injected saline with very small bubbles into my vein so that they could monitor with ultrasound whether any of the bubbles could get past the device, which would indicate that the blood can flow backwards through the chambers of my heart. This backwards blood flow causes extra strain and can lead to enlargement of the heart. The backwards blood flow is suspected to be tied with certain kinds of migraines.
Before injecting the bubbles, the doctor told me that it's quite common for some bubbles to get through, and would not be unexpected considering the size of my defect. The bubbles were injected, and not a single one crossed over into the other chamber! Not only that, but the chambers of my heart have returned to a normal size. The doctor seemed to be just as excited about the result as I was. He said he might ask me to come in for additional studies just to help out with his research on these kinds of repairs (which I would gladly do--he's an incredible doctor and I'm very grateful for his care).
I told him about my decrease in migraines and improvement in fitness (another benefit of a fixed up heart). I told him that I was training for roller derby and had stopped taking blood thinners because the bruises would have been ridiculous. He agreed with my decision to stop blood thinners and was excited to hear about my roller derby endeavors. He said he loves to see the outcome of his work and asked for a ticket to a bout when I'm ready to start playing for real (I'll totally get him one). He repeated what he had told me at my three month check up:
"Don't hold back--go all out!"
And I will. Because I can.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Conquering the Dreaded Parking Garage
I consider myself to be a strong, intelligent woman. Parking garages, however, are my kryptonite. While I definitely have a silly "duh" side of me, parking garages bring out an entirely new level of stupidity. I think it's an actual learning disability, so rare that it doesn't have a name.
As soon as I enter a parking garage, I lose all sense of direction. You've probably heard of people trapped in avalanches who become so disoriented that they don't know which way to dig to get out of the snow, and dig themselves deeper. That is me in a parking garage. There are suddenly no landmarks. Everything looks the same. Not only do I lose a sense of what floor I'm on and where the exit is, I actually lose the ability to identify where in the city I am. I could be in ANY parking garage because they all look the same from the inside.
My excuse is that I grew up in a town without parking garages, but I probably use that excuse to cover up my suspicion that my brain just doesn't work in that area. A mouse in a maze could find itself out more quickly than I can find my way out of a parking garage. I have learned some tricks though...keep turning right...go down (Usually. Once I was in an underground parking garage and it was horrible) ...follow the arrows...make each turn with the deliberate confidence of someone who knows where she's going, so as to fool others into believing I know where I'm going. I've been getting better.
Tonight, I had the opportunity to face off with a parking garage and win. I skated all over one.
There's a parking garage in Santa Barbara that for some reason, everyone hates. I haven't lived here long enough to know why, but it's the "new" parking garage that people seem to boycott just because it's stupid. Like I said, I don't know why, but for that reason, I've hardly been in it myself. It has an upstairs and a downstairs, which makes it particularly dangerous to someone like me. It was suggested to me that the roof of a parking garage is a good place to practice skating. I haven't skated nearly as much as I would have liked to this week, so tonight was the night.
I headed downtown after dark, under a nearly full moon. Made my way to the parking garage that everyone hates, and got to the roof. When I got to the top, I was more than pleased. It was smooth. Mostly flat. No gravel. Well lit. And empty (because everyone hates it).
So I went to work, warming up, practicing cross overs, "jumps" (if you consider a jump to be 1/2 inch of air), sticky feet, and even a few butt falls on purpose so I'd get over my fear of falling. By the end, that parking garage and I had a new relationship and I no longer have reason to avoid it.
And that is how I conquered the dreaded parking garage.
As soon as I enter a parking garage, I lose all sense of direction. You've probably heard of people trapped in avalanches who become so disoriented that they don't know which way to dig to get out of the snow, and dig themselves deeper. That is me in a parking garage. There are suddenly no landmarks. Everything looks the same. Not only do I lose a sense of what floor I'm on and where the exit is, I actually lose the ability to identify where in the city I am. I could be in ANY parking garage because they all look the same from the inside.
My excuse is that I grew up in a town without parking garages, but I probably use that excuse to cover up my suspicion that my brain just doesn't work in that area. A mouse in a maze could find itself out more quickly than I can find my way out of a parking garage. I have learned some tricks though...keep turning right...go down (Usually. Once I was in an underground parking garage and it was horrible) ...follow the arrows...make each turn with the deliberate confidence of someone who knows where she's going, so as to fool others into believing I know where I'm going. I've been getting better.
Tonight, I had the opportunity to face off with a parking garage and win. I skated all over one.
There's a parking garage in Santa Barbara that for some reason, everyone hates. I haven't lived here long enough to know why, but it's the "new" parking garage that people seem to boycott just because it's stupid. Like I said, I don't know why, but for that reason, I've hardly been in it myself. It has an upstairs and a downstairs, which makes it particularly dangerous to someone like me. It was suggested to me that the roof of a parking garage is a good place to practice skating. I haven't skated nearly as much as I would have liked to this week, so tonight was the night.
I headed downtown after dark, under a nearly full moon. Made my way to the parking garage that everyone hates, and got to the roof. When I got to the top, I was more than pleased. It was smooth. Mostly flat. No gravel. Well lit. And empty (because everyone hates it).
So I went to work, warming up, practicing cross overs, "jumps" (if you consider a jump to be 1/2 inch of air), sticky feet, and even a few butt falls on purpose so I'd get over my fear of falling. By the end, that parking garage and I had a new relationship and I no longer have reason to avoid it.
And that is how I conquered the dreaded parking garage.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Yes, I'm addicted and having skating withdrawals already.
I didn't realize I'd become so addicted so quickly. I'm jonesing for some skating practice but have gotten derailed over the past few days.
On Tuesday, I strained a quad muscle and decided a needed a couple days of rest from my skates. Somehow I thought a couple of days meant that I wouldn't skate all day Wednesday, and then Thursday morning I'd be fine. I packed up all my gear, put my outdoor wheels on, and found a parking lot to practice in.
Ouch...
Within 5 minutes, I realized my muscle was not back to normal yet. I was so ready to practice that I didn't give myself enough time. I decided I needed a little more rest.
Yesterday I had fantasies about going to the skating rink. I heard that some of the girls were heading to Skating Plus to get some extra practice but a couple of things got in my way. Work turned out to last longer than I planned, and I spent the whole day feeling under the weather. By the time I got off work, it was almost 9 PM. I came home and was asleep by 10. Being a grown up sucks (sometimes). I miss the days when I can run myself into the ground and keep going.
Today I missed practice entirely. I was determined to go, but realized that "under the weather" had taken a turn towards feeling kinda flu-ish. Boo!
All my talk about being determined to do this, get better at skating, push myself beyond my limits---it's still there, but I definitely struggle with knowing when to keep pushing myself and when to back off. I don't want to hurt myself by overdoing it (as I learned with running I have a tendency to do), but I also don't want to wuss out when I have it in me.
For now, My skate bag, two sets of wheels, and my tools are waiting in my car for the first opportunity I get to roll around some more. In the meantime, maybe I'll practice changing out my wheels and bearings because it shouldn't take me 30+ minutes each time I want to go from indoor to outdoor wheels and back.
On Tuesday, I strained a quad muscle and decided a needed a couple days of rest from my skates. Somehow I thought a couple of days meant that I wouldn't skate all day Wednesday, and then Thursday morning I'd be fine. I packed up all my gear, put my outdoor wheels on, and found a parking lot to practice in.
Ouch...
Within 5 minutes, I realized my muscle was not back to normal yet. I was so ready to practice that I didn't give myself enough time. I decided I needed a little more rest.
Yesterday I had fantasies about going to the skating rink. I heard that some of the girls were heading to Skating Plus to get some extra practice but a couple of things got in my way. Work turned out to last longer than I planned, and I spent the whole day feeling under the weather. By the time I got off work, it was almost 9 PM. I came home and was asleep by 10. Being a grown up sucks (sometimes). I miss the days when I can run myself into the ground and keep going.
Today I missed practice entirely. I was determined to go, but realized that "under the weather" had taken a turn towards feeling kinda flu-ish. Boo!
All my talk about being determined to do this, get better at skating, push myself beyond my limits---it's still there, but I definitely struggle with knowing when to keep pushing myself and when to back off. I don't want to hurt myself by overdoing it (as I learned with running I have a tendency to do), but I also don't want to wuss out when I have it in me.
For now, My skate bag, two sets of wheels, and my tools are waiting in my car for the first opportunity I get to roll around some more. In the meantime, maybe I'll practice changing out my wheels and bearings because it shouldn't take me 30+ minutes each time I want to go from indoor to outdoor wheels and back.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
My first (minor) ouch!
Yesterday I hit up the Ventura skating rink for some extra practice. I went by myself which was intimidating, but I did it anyhow. I skated for close to an hour, practicing cross over steps (which I've only observed but hadn't learned yet) and weaving in and out of little kids flying in every direction. As (un)luck should have it, the night I went was also the night that an elementary school was doing some kind of fundraiser there, so it was packed. Oh well, at least I got some skating time in. I feel like I'm getting more comfortable on wheels and maybe even a bit faster, too.
Tonight was day three of boot camp. I was determined to skate harder than this past Saturday. I skated my butt off on Saturday, mind you, but managed not to fall down, even once. My thoughts today were that I needed to push myself to the point of falling. If I wasn't risking a fall, I wasn't trying the moves hard enough.
Tonight, I managed to fall down several times. I was reminded how easy it is to fall on my knee pads, and that it doesn't hurt. I love my knee pads! I got more confident. I was practicing a move intended for very coordinated people called the "drunken sailor" when I fell in a not so pretty way. The fall itself didn't hurt me, but my already cramping muscles were unhappy about it, and I immediately got a cramp in my calf. When I stood up, I realized my quad muscles were also pissed off. I tried some light stretching and tried to skate it off, but one of the Betties noticed I was struggling with the cross overs (oddly enough, the move I'd been practicing the night before). When I told her I was having some muscle pain, she recommended that I sit out the rest of practice and ice it.
No biggie really. This, I'm sure, is the first of many. I hate feeling like I'm wimping out, but I also know better than to keep pushing myself through an injury (running injuries taught me that lesson. Twice). The part that pisses me off the most is just that I now have to rest. I had big plans tomorrow to go for a run or possibly try out my shiny new outdoor wheels (they are so pretty!), and then to go to a personal training session. The derby girls recommended that I ice and rest for 48 hours. Boo! But I will because it's easier to get better now than to get better after I hurt myself worse. I'm going to call my trainer tomorrow to see if he thinks it would be better to cancel my session or if we can work around a pulled muscle.
The part that I'm proud of is that two years ago, I would have loved an excuse to rest. Now being active is fun for me and much of my free time is scheduled around fitness activities I can do. I've come a long way.
Tonight was day three of boot camp. I was determined to skate harder than this past Saturday. I skated my butt off on Saturday, mind you, but managed not to fall down, even once. My thoughts today were that I needed to push myself to the point of falling. If I wasn't risking a fall, I wasn't trying the moves hard enough.
Tonight, I managed to fall down several times. I was reminded how easy it is to fall on my knee pads, and that it doesn't hurt. I love my knee pads! I got more confident. I was practicing a move intended for very coordinated people called the "drunken sailor" when I fell in a not so pretty way. The fall itself didn't hurt me, but my already cramping muscles were unhappy about it, and I immediately got a cramp in my calf. When I stood up, I realized my quad muscles were also pissed off. I tried some light stretching and tried to skate it off, but one of the Betties noticed I was struggling with the cross overs (oddly enough, the move I'd been practicing the night before). When I told her I was having some muscle pain, she recommended that I sit out the rest of practice and ice it.
No biggie really. This, I'm sure, is the first of many. I hate feeling like I'm wimping out, but I also know better than to keep pushing myself through an injury (running injuries taught me that lesson. Twice). The part that pisses me off the most is just that I now have to rest. I had big plans tomorrow to go for a run or possibly try out my shiny new outdoor wheels (they are so pretty!), and then to go to a personal training session. The derby girls recommended that I ice and rest for 48 hours. Boo! But I will because it's easier to get better now than to get better after I hurt myself worse. I'm going to call my trainer tomorrow to see if he thinks it would be better to cancel my session or if we can work around a pulled muscle.
The part that I'm proud of is that two years ago, I would have loved an excuse to rest. Now being active is fun for me and much of my free time is scheduled around fitness activities I can do. I've come a long way.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Doubt, Exhaustion, Pride
Yesterday was Day 2 of boot camp. I survived the last one, emerged sore but more enthusiastic than my I was before (if that's possible). I had some champion bruises to show for it. One on my knee, another on my calf that wrapped around to my shin, and the trophy: A great big butt bruise. For the sake of honesty, I should share that I bruise really easily...this should be interesting.
The next day, I had a personal training session at the gym. I realized that each of my sessions just happens to be scheduled to happen the day following boot camp. I wondered if that was really such a good idea, but my trainer said it's actually perfect. He gets to work on training me to use the right muscles when my muscles are already exhausted so that I don't resort to using my ankles for stability when I'm tired. That's just one way ankles get broken, and I'd rather not do that. So I worked out my already-exhausted body.
The following day, I took advantage of some extra rink time by practicing on my own on the sidelines while the team had their own practice. They do this every Thursday, but unfortunately, I'm not able to come every Thursday. I'm going to need to find somewhere else I can practice between our official practices. I ordered some outdoor wheels that should be arriving on Monday, which will allow me to practice on the bike path, parking lots, stuff like that, but I'd really like to find a smooth place like a basketball court where I can practice my falls and stops.
Anyhow, by yesterday, I was wondering if that extra skate time was really such a great idea. I was so incredibly sore. I was limping up the stairs, struggling to get in and out of chairs. I walked around the trail by our house hoping that some movement would loosen me up a bit before practice. Still sore. I started to have doubts. Can I do this? Being this sore, how can I expect to get up off the ground after falling, if I can't even get up from a chair? I started to dread practice. I got a knot in my stomach.
Matt and the girls dropped me off. There was no turning back. I can't even remember all the things we worked on...skating on one foot, T-stops, plow-stops, the dreaded core exercises (yes, I used to think I had a strong core). I kept moving the whole time. The Betties were there to help out and correct what we were doing wrong. I got a lot of feedback, which I really appreciated. I think what was most helpful was that they weren't actually telling me what I was doing wrong (I already knew I was doing it wrong), but what I needed to do in order to do it better. I love learning about correct form, but actually applying it is the challenge here. These are muscles I never knew I had, let alone had to use. I've been doing single-leg squats for the past year, yet I'm learning that my butt has a lot of...well, growing to do. Looking at the Betties, they have amazing butts. I can only hope that mine will be half as strong as theirs.
Much of the feedback I received was that the moves would be easier if I were moving faster. It makes sense, but I think my body equates moving faster to falling faster (and harder). I didn't fall in practice yesterday. Looking back, I might have been too cautious, but the bruises (mostly the one on my butt) were begging me not to fall on them again. Falling isn't the end of the world. I did it repeatedly last time, I could have managed a few falls this time. So my goal on Tuesday it to skate faster even if it means I fall, but especially if it means I can pull off the moves better.
I realized yesterday that my biggest challenge is me. I'm used to doing everything I do WELL. While I don't shy away from trying new things, I often feel frustrated when I can't do it well. I remember the same frustration when I started my current job. Being a crisis counselor takes some settling in to, as does roller derby. I need to learn to be patient with myself and allow myself to screw up on occasion (sometimes repeatedly).
Matt showed up about half-way through practice to watch and take some video for my dear old dad whose own ability to have adventures is currently limited by illness. I noticed that in each video, I was a smiling fool. If I ever get on the team, how fierce can I really look if I'm grinning the whole time?
Afterward, Matt told me that he was talking to the girls about activities they might like to participate in. Kate, who is 7, asked how old do you have to be to join a roller derby team? She already has a name in mind, and thought it would be cool to have a kids league that just skates around instead of knocking each other down. <3
When I got home, I was the most exhausted I can ever remember being. Looking at the video, it doesn't look like I was working that hard, but I know I was. Skating for two hours is tough, especially when I'm using muscles that aren't there yet. Once I got home, I was in bed by 6:30 pm, asleep by 8:00. I tired to wake up a few times, since it's rare that Matt and I have a day off together, but I just couldn't. My eyes wouldn't stay open and my words came out sounding drunk.
I'm proud that I went even though I didn't think I could. I'm proud that I could push myself so hard that I would re-define exhaustion. And I'm proud that I could inspire Kate.
The next day, I had a personal training session at the gym. I realized that each of my sessions just happens to be scheduled to happen the day following boot camp. I wondered if that was really such a good idea, but my trainer said it's actually perfect. He gets to work on training me to use the right muscles when my muscles are already exhausted so that I don't resort to using my ankles for stability when I'm tired. That's just one way ankles get broken, and I'd rather not do that. So I worked out my already-exhausted body.
The following day, I took advantage of some extra rink time by practicing on my own on the sidelines while the team had their own practice. They do this every Thursday, but unfortunately, I'm not able to come every Thursday. I'm going to need to find somewhere else I can practice between our official practices. I ordered some outdoor wheels that should be arriving on Monday, which will allow me to practice on the bike path, parking lots, stuff like that, but I'd really like to find a smooth place like a basketball court where I can practice my falls and stops.
Anyhow, by yesterday, I was wondering if that extra skate time was really such a great idea. I was so incredibly sore. I was limping up the stairs, struggling to get in and out of chairs. I walked around the trail by our house hoping that some movement would loosen me up a bit before practice. Still sore. I started to have doubts. Can I do this? Being this sore, how can I expect to get up off the ground after falling, if I can't even get up from a chair? I started to dread practice. I got a knot in my stomach.
Matt and the girls dropped me off. There was no turning back. I can't even remember all the things we worked on...skating on one foot, T-stops, plow-stops, the dreaded core exercises (yes, I used to think I had a strong core). I kept moving the whole time. The Betties were there to help out and correct what we were doing wrong. I got a lot of feedback, which I really appreciated. I think what was most helpful was that they weren't actually telling me what I was doing wrong (I already knew I was doing it wrong), but what I needed to do in order to do it better. I love learning about correct form, but actually applying it is the challenge here. These are muscles I never knew I had, let alone had to use. I've been doing single-leg squats for the past year, yet I'm learning that my butt has a lot of...well, growing to do. Looking at the Betties, they have amazing butts. I can only hope that mine will be half as strong as theirs.
Much of the feedback I received was that the moves would be easier if I were moving faster. It makes sense, but I think my body equates moving faster to falling faster (and harder). I didn't fall in practice yesterday. Looking back, I might have been too cautious, but the bruises (mostly the one on my butt) were begging me not to fall on them again. Falling isn't the end of the world. I did it repeatedly last time, I could have managed a few falls this time. So my goal on Tuesday it to skate faster even if it means I fall, but especially if it means I can pull off the moves better.
I realized yesterday that my biggest challenge is me. I'm used to doing everything I do WELL. While I don't shy away from trying new things, I often feel frustrated when I can't do it well. I remember the same frustration when I started my current job. Being a crisis counselor takes some settling in to, as does roller derby. I need to learn to be patient with myself and allow myself to screw up on occasion (sometimes repeatedly).
Matt showed up about half-way through practice to watch and take some video for my dear old dad whose own ability to have adventures is currently limited by illness. I noticed that in each video, I was a smiling fool. If I ever get on the team, how fierce can I really look if I'm grinning the whole time?
Afterward, Matt told me that he was talking to the girls about activities they might like to participate in. Kate, who is 7, asked how old do you have to be to join a roller derby team? She already has a name in mind, and thought it would be cool to have a kids league that just skates around instead of knocking each other down. <3
When I got home, I was the most exhausted I can ever remember being. Looking at the video, it doesn't look like I was working that hard, but I know I was. Skating for two hours is tough, especially when I'm using muscles that aren't there yet. Once I got home, I was in bed by 6:30 pm, asleep by 8:00. I tired to wake up a few times, since it's rare that Matt and I have a day off together, but I just couldn't. My eyes wouldn't stay open and my words came out sounding drunk.
I'm proud that I went even though I didn't think I could. I'm proud that I could push myself so hard that I would re-define exhaustion. And I'm proud that I could inspire Kate.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Betty Boot Camp - Day 1
I can barely sit on my chair as I write this. I can also barely stand up. I'm sore, and I know tomorrow will be a new version of sore.
On Saturday, my husband and I went to the last bout of the season. It was awesome! The place was packed, my team was down for the first half, and then brought an amazing comeback! My husband lost his voice from cheering so loud. I brought my camera and had fun shooting, but realized later when looking through my photos that shooting moving targets in low light...well as fun as it was, not many of my photos were in focus.
Tonight was my very first practice on skates. I've been skating around my house, a couple of times at a rink, and once on a bike path for 15 minutes before I realized that the longer I skated, the further I would have to skate to return to my car. And I really was determined not to break anything before my first practice. I wanted to learn to fall first.
And fall I did. Quite a few times on purpose, a few times less purposefully.
We started out with butt cheek falls. Twenty falls on each cheek for a total of 40 falls. It's not so bad when you land on the squishy part of the butt, but I took two falls on the less squishy part. At least it was once on each side, so I'm balanced.
Then we moved to single knee falls. Think lunges. On wheels. This was the part where I went from thinking "I'm a badass in the most awesome shape of my life" to "uh oh." I seriously need to work on strengthening my thighs, particularly my quads. I'll get right on that, when I can walk again.
Then double knee falls. It's more of a slide, like a rock star would do while playing a mean riff on the guitar. I could do those alright.
Somewhere in the middle of all this, I switched out my wheels. I had been using "multipurpose" wheels that supposedly can be used both on the track as well as outside. I learned that they are less than mediocre for both situations, so I borrowed some wheels from a girl who is off her skates for a while due to injury. Yikes! Real wheels are much slicker than what I was using, and I "practiced" a few more butt cheek falls.
Then we did some core strengthening exercises. This is where I thought I'd shine. I've been doing Pilates on a somewhat regular basis. I was proud of my core strength. Until I tried doing the same move with skates on my feet. Skates are heavy! And suddenly I was less proud of my core strength. I'll be working on that too, just not tonight.
Overall, I'm happy with practice. I survived without breaking anything. I'd had a little fantasy about going out there and nailing all the moves on the first try, but that would have been too easy. When that fantasy bubble burst, I created a new fantasy. Now my fantasy is that I'm the girl who tries SO HARD that no matter how much I screw up, I still impress with my determination.
The extra bonus of it all is that for two hours, I wasn't anxious. I've been so anxious lately about work, personal life, pretty much everything, that my entire everything feels tense. Tonight, I was completely focused on falling and not falling, and while I was on the track, didn't think once about my stress off the track.
On Saturday, my husband and I went to the last bout of the season. It was awesome! The place was packed, my team was down for the first half, and then brought an amazing comeback! My husband lost his voice from cheering so loud. I brought my camera and had fun shooting, but realized later when looking through my photos that shooting moving targets in low light...well as fun as it was, not many of my photos were in focus.
Tonight was my very first practice on skates. I've been skating around my house, a couple of times at a rink, and once on a bike path for 15 minutes before I realized that the longer I skated, the further I would have to skate to return to my car. And I really was determined not to break anything before my first practice. I wanted to learn to fall first.
And fall I did. Quite a few times on purpose, a few times less purposefully.
We started out with butt cheek falls. Twenty falls on each cheek for a total of 40 falls. It's not so bad when you land on the squishy part of the butt, but I took two falls on the less squishy part. At least it was once on each side, so I'm balanced.
Then we moved to single knee falls. Think lunges. On wheels. This was the part where I went from thinking "I'm a badass in the most awesome shape of my life" to "uh oh." I seriously need to work on strengthening my thighs, particularly my quads. I'll get right on that, when I can walk again.
Then double knee falls. It's more of a slide, like a rock star would do while playing a mean riff on the guitar. I could do those alright.
Somewhere in the middle of all this, I switched out my wheels. I had been using "multipurpose" wheels that supposedly can be used both on the track as well as outside. I learned that they are less than mediocre for both situations, so I borrowed some wheels from a girl who is off her skates for a while due to injury. Yikes! Real wheels are much slicker than what I was using, and I "practiced" a few more butt cheek falls.
Then we did some core strengthening exercises. This is where I thought I'd shine. I've been doing Pilates on a somewhat regular basis. I was proud of my core strength. Until I tried doing the same move with skates on my feet. Skates are heavy! And suddenly I was less proud of my core strength. I'll be working on that too, just not tonight.
Overall, I'm happy with practice. I survived without breaking anything. I'd had a little fantasy about going out there and nailing all the moves on the first try, but that would have been too easy. When that fantasy bubble burst, I created a new fantasy. Now my fantasy is that I'm the girl who tries SO HARD that no matter how much I screw up, I still impress with my determination.
The extra bonus of it all is that for two hours, I wasn't anxious. I've been so anxious lately about work, personal life, pretty much everything, that my entire everything feels tense. Tonight, I was completely focused on falling and not falling, and while I was on the track, didn't think once about my stress off the track.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Boot Camp Orientation
I've been dreaming about skating every night. I'm embarrassingly enthusiastic and nervous about starting roller derby. I could barely sleep last night. But here I go...
Tonight was the boot camp orientation meeting. I voted at my polling place (yay me!) and then went to the track where the practice will be held. There were way more people than I was expecting, and apparently more than the organizers were expecting too, because they had only made 50 copies of the forms and there were quite a few more than 50 girls (and a few guys) in attendance. The explained the basic expectations...
We will attend eight weeks of boot camp, two hour practices, twice a week.
At the end of the eight weeks, there will be an assessment to determine whether we're ready to join the team.
Part of that assessment includes skating 100 laps around the track in 20 minutes. Cardio endurance helps.
Those who don't pass the assessment still have a place (as referees and such) and will also have an opportunity to re-assess later in the year.
Those who pass, get to join the team. Even then, they aren't likely to participate in real bouts for at least 6 months to a year. They don't want newbies hurting themselves and other people.
Bottom line is that I have to pass the assessment. I do like a challenge, so I'm going for it. I'm going to need to find some places where I can practice skating on my own, whether it's in empty parking lots, basketball courts, or taking a trip to Ventura every now and then to use the rink.
The other thing that this reinforced to me is that I have to keep running. I've been working on running off and on for the past (forever) year and a half, and finally got to the point where I can run (slowly) for 40 minutes, but have had issues with my bio-mechanics which have led to pain. I am seeing a personal trainer for a few weeks to help me correct that. I'm also going to continue working on my core strength and I'd love to be able to do more than a couple push ups.
I'd say that overall, the scariest part of today was showing up by myself and feeling small in a crowd of lots of girls, many of them with people they know. I hung out afterwards to watch the real roller derby girls practice, as did some of the other loners. It was nice because I got to sit and chat and learn a bit about skates and wheels and what kinds of adjustments I need to make to my skates so they'll work for me.
First off, I need to change my wheels to indoor wheels (the ones I have are better for outdoors). I can handle that. Someone already offered to sell me a pair off her skates that she's not using because she's out on an injury. The other thing I need to do would appear to be a simple fix. Adjust my toe stoppers, and adjust the trucks. It would be simple if I could get the damn nuts to turn. The wrench that came with my skates appears to be made of pudding and just stretches out when I try to loosen the nut. Hmm...looks like I'll be making a trip to a skate shop to see if I can get a better wrench set.
I overheard one of the team members telling some of the other girls that speed gives you an advantage and that being big gives you an advantage. Being fast and big is a ginormous advantage. No matter how much weight I lose, I'll never be a small person, so I've got that. Must work on speed.
But first, learning to fall...I'd hate to fall and hurt myself right off the bat.
Hopefully falling well will be my first lesson.
Tonight was the boot camp orientation meeting. I voted at my polling place (yay me!) and then went to the track where the practice will be held. There were way more people than I was expecting, and apparently more than the organizers were expecting too, because they had only made 50 copies of the forms and there were quite a few more than 50 girls (and a few guys) in attendance. The explained the basic expectations...
We will attend eight weeks of boot camp, two hour practices, twice a week.
At the end of the eight weeks, there will be an assessment to determine whether we're ready to join the team.
Part of that assessment includes skating 100 laps around the track in 20 minutes. Cardio endurance helps.
Those who don't pass the assessment still have a place (as referees and such) and will also have an opportunity to re-assess later in the year.
Those who pass, get to join the team. Even then, they aren't likely to participate in real bouts for at least 6 months to a year. They don't want newbies hurting themselves and other people.
Bottom line is that I have to pass the assessment. I do like a challenge, so I'm going for it. I'm going to need to find some places where I can practice skating on my own, whether it's in empty parking lots, basketball courts, or taking a trip to Ventura every now and then to use the rink.
The other thing that this reinforced to me is that I have to keep running. I've been working on running off and on for the past (forever) year and a half, and finally got to the point where I can run (slowly) for 40 minutes, but have had issues with my bio-mechanics which have led to pain. I am seeing a personal trainer for a few weeks to help me correct that. I'm also going to continue working on my core strength and I'd love to be able to do more than a couple push ups.
I'd say that overall, the scariest part of today was showing up by myself and feeling small in a crowd of lots of girls, many of them with people they know. I hung out afterwards to watch the real roller derby girls practice, as did some of the other loners. It was nice because I got to sit and chat and learn a bit about skates and wheels and what kinds of adjustments I need to make to my skates so they'll work for me.
First off, I need to change my wheels to indoor wheels (the ones I have are better for outdoors). I can handle that. Someone already offered to sell me a pair off her skates that she's not using because she's out on an injury. The other thing I need to do would appear to be a simple fix. Adjust my toe stoppers, and adjust the trucks. It would be simple if I could get the damn nuts to turn. The wrench that came with my skates appears to be made of pudding and just stretches out when I try to loosen the nut. Hmm...looks like I'll be making a trip to a skate shop to see if I can get a better wrench set.
I overheard one of the team members telling some of the other girls that speed gives you an advantage and that being big gives you an advantage. Being fast and big is a ginormous advantage. No matter how much weight I lose, I'll never be a small person, so I've got that. Must work on speed.
But first, learning to fall...I'd hate to fall and hurt myself right off the bat.
Hopefully falling well will be my first lesson.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Why Roller Derby?
Earlier this month, I attended my first roller derby bout ever. I was impressed. Hot chicks getting cheered on for being badasses and looking hot while knocking each other down.
"I want to be one of them," I said under my breath.
My husband, who knows how to get under my skin, told me, "It would be awesome if you did roller derby, but I don't think you will." OH YEAH?
Next week is the orientation for Betty Boot Camp with the Mission City Brawlin' Betties. Over the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking about the reasons why roller derby just might be my thing. So here's my list.
However, I'd like to have more of a social life. I'd like to have an excuse to wear fishnets. I'd like to have some bruises of honor because I've pushed myself just that far.
There's no turning back now. I signed up. I bought my gear. I wear my skates and pads around the house while I do dishes and make breakfast. Because there's a badass in here somewhere.
"I want to be one of them," I said under my breath.
My husband, who knows how to get under my skin, told me, "It would be awesome if you did roller derby, but I don't think you will." OH YEAH?
Next week is the orientation for Betty Boot Camp with the Mission City Brawlin' Betties. Over the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking about the reasons why roller derby just might be my thing. So here's my list.
- I've lost over 95 pounds in the past year and a half (so close to 100!). There's an athlete inside me. I've been working on building my strength, especially my core for balance, over the past year. It's almost as if I've been preparing all year in order to keep my balance on skates while being knocked around by other women.
- I need a new fitness outlet. I have been working on running, but have been plagued by over-training issues. Having a new sport just might help me back of from running enough so that I can recover. Plus, skating is faster than running.
- I need an outlet for all my anxiety and angst. I've realized over the past few years that I hold a huge amount of anxiety. I struggle to let it go. I have a pretty stressful job as a crisis counselor and could stand to incorporate some good-spirited aggression into my routine. I need to be able to roar every once in a while.
- I could use a boost in confidence. No, that's an understatement. I need to harness the colossal badass that is lurking within. My colossal badass withdrew after a gruesome divorce and left a pretty evil depression in its place. I've gotten past all that, but my badass hasn't quite returned. I need a litte less "will that be ok?" and a little more "screw you, bitches!" in my life.
- Pushing girls down is my default mode of aggression. No, it's not something I do, but it's definitely my most common fantasy. Walking down the sidewalk and having a crowd of skinny chicks in their Uggs and designer sunglasses walk straight into me as if I'm invisible or should have gotten out of their way...well that inspires fantasies of just knocking them all down. Bowling for blondes. Roller derby would be a socially acceptable way of knocking girls down, only they would be girls who could take it.
However, I'd like to have more of a social life. I'd like to have an excuse to wear fishnets. I'd like to have some bruises of honor because I've pushed myself just that far.
There's no turning back now. I signed up. I bought my gear. I wear my skates and pads around the house while I do dishes and make breakfast. Because there's a badass in here somewhere.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)