Ups and Downs

After Tuesday's practice and how invigorated it left me, I was really looking forward to practice yesterday.  A LOT. 

Before practice, Matt and I took the girls to the skating rink in Ventura for lessons.  I was more nervous than they were!  I really wanted it to be a good experience for them and was worried that they would be frustrated by falling or have expectations that they would be figure skating by the end of the lesson.  It was almost hard to watch, but they did great!  Each time they fell, they got up with a smile and kept going.  In retrospect, it doesn't surprise me.  Kids are good at falling and getting up, much better than grown ups are.

The experience left me with skating blue-balls though.  I brought my skate bag in case there was an opportunity for me to get some rink time, but it was just kids.  Instead we had lunch and headed back to Santa Barbara for my practice.

Perhaps it was just an off day.  I've had those with other forms of exercise before skating.  You know, a crappy run, a day when I can't lift as much as usual, a day when my heart rate goes through the roof for seemingly no reason.  Often it's because I've been overdoing it and haven't been resting enough.  Sometimes it's because I'm stressed out.  Sometimes it's because I haven't eaten enough.  I don't know what it was yesterday, but practice was incredibly frustrating.

True, we were practicing skills that I haven't practiced before, so I should give my body (and mind) a break.  But even with that in mind, I just didn't have the extra push that I had at last practice.  It was hot (75 degrees in December!) and sweat was flowing out of my helmet into my eyes.  Not just dripping--flowing.  It was gross.  I didn't see anyone else out there quite as gross and sweaty as I was.  I worried that someone would slip and fall in my pools of sweat. 

I made it through the two hours, but I was disappointed with myself.  Whether it was the heat or the crap food I ate, or just an "off day," it was disappointing.  It was the first time I felt like crying after skating, but roller girls don't cry (do they?).  I think the threat of tears was more out of exhaustion than anything else, because on the way home, I was able to list all the things that I'm proud of.  I'm proud that I did it.  I'm proud that I keep going, despite my ups and downs.  I'm proud of my jumps.  Although I did my share of whining, I'm proud that instead of sitting on the sidelines whining about how I can't do it, I call out for one of the Betties to help me understand what I'm doing wrong.  I'm proud that even if I can't quite get it, I'm closer to "almost getting it" than I was at the beginning.  It's improvement.

Today I'm going to a kids birthday party which happens to be at the skating rink.  After helping my girls get out and skate until they're tired, I'm going to practice the shit out of my moves.  Even if it means falling down in public a whole bunch.