Why Roller Derby?

Earlier this month, I attended my first roller derby bout ever. I was impressed. Hot chicks getting cheered on for being badasses and looking hot while knocking each other down.

"I want to be one of them," I said under my breath.

My husband, who knows how to get under my skin, told me, "It would be awesome if you did roller derby, but I don't think you will." OH YEAH?

Next week is the orientation for Betty Boot Camp with the Mission City Brawlin' Betties. Over the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking about the reasons why roller derby just might be my thing. So here's my list.

• I've lost over 95 pounds in the past year and a half (so close to 100!). There's an athlete inside me. I've been working on building my strength, especially my core for balance, over the past year. It's almost as if I've been preparing all year in order to keep my balance on skates while being knocked around by other women.
• I need a new fitness outlet. I have been working on running, but have been plagued by over-training issues. Having a new sport just might help me back of from running enough so that I can recover. Plus, skating is faster than running.
• I need an outlet for all my anxiety and angst. I've realized over the past few years that I hold a huge amount of anxiety. I struggle to let it go. I have a pretty stressful job as a crisis counselor and could stand to incorporate some good-spirited aggression into my routine. I need to be able to roar every once in a while.
• I could use a boost in confidence. No, that's an understatement. I need to harness the colossal badass that is lurking within. My colossal badass withdrew after a gruesome divorce and left a pretty evil depression in its place. I've gotten past all that, but my badass hasn't quite returned. I need a litte less "will that be ok?" and a little more "screw you, bitches!" in my life.
• Pushing girls down is my default mode of aggression. No, it's not something I do, but it's definitely my most common fantasy. Walking down the sidewalk and having a crowd of skinny chicks in their Uggs and designer sunglasses walk straight into me as if I'm invisible or should have gotten out of their way...well that inspires fantasies of just knocking them all down. Bowling for blondes. Roller derby would be a socially acceptable way of knocking girls down, only they would be girls who could take it.

So there ya go. I'm made for it. Sort of. Because the flip side of all that is that I'm scared shitless. No, I'm not scared of falling, I'm not scared of hard work. I know that physically, I'm a badass. Socially...well we'll see. It's not that I'm not easy to get along with, it just goes back to that whole confidence thing. I haven't spent a lot of time hanging out with a bunch of girls outside of work and I don't feel very cool. I'm not fashionably quirky or punk. I take fashion advice from my husband. I'm kind of a dork. I'm often so overly enthusiastic that I just shut up so that I won't embarrass myself.

However, I'd like to have more of a social life. I'd like to have an excuse to wear fishnets. I'd like to have some bruises of honor because I've pushed myself just that far.

There's no turning back now. I signed up. I bought my gear. I wear my skates and pads around the house while I do dishes and make breakfast. Because there's a badass in here somewhere.